fear of success: a matter of scale

In dialoguing with a colleague in an online forum, she noted her fear of success. With some trepidation (another form of fear!), I offered my thoughts and asked if they made sense. She said they did make sense and added "It's totally the kind of 'authorization' I needed." It was a good reminder for myself. Perhaps you would appreciate it, too:

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A few years ago I attended some workshops about music business, and one presenter (Steve Bell) told the audience, "We encourage artists to stay out of the music industry." He explained that his company encourages artists to make the world more beautiful and to understand the place of their work in the world: is it personal? local? regional? national? international? Where does it fit?

He also advises artists think of their work as a "sustainable" business rather than trying to make it big. Not everyone needs to have big international or national success, but they can have important local or regional impact and still make a living.

So perhaps part of your decision will be scale: How big do you really want or need to be? I know it's really popular to talk about abundance in business — to dream big. I'm one of the biggest dreamers I know! But I'm starting to appreciate the importance of being realistic about the limitations of our lives: health, mental illness, family commitments, etc. So we need to define our bottom line: How much is "enough"? How much is "too much"? Can I sustain this? By what means will I sustain this?

Perhaps you will need at least two more things:

•developing enough material/products in advance with a delivery system that can manage itself when you have a difficult season
•gathering supporters who can help manage your business when you have difficult seasons (e.g. bookkeeper, virtual assistant, distributor, etc.)

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Does this make sense to you? What scale do you envision for your enterprise? How will you sustain it?

you would think ...

... that I haven't been having conversations in the last two months, or at least that they're not related to vision and goals. But I have. And it has often been hard work. I've been experiencing a bit of a cocooning process. In fact, if it were easy to find a butterfly background, I would have used it, cliches aside!

I have been wrestling with the question, "Do you really want to build a business?" And the best answers I can come up with are along the lines of I think so and I'm pretty sure. Not convincing.

I do want to write and edit.
I do want to empower women.
I do want to work in the arts.
I do want to influence community building.
I do want to help strengthen intergenerational bonds and see nations set free.
But how? Through business?

Wrestling.

Reading a wide range of blogs like these

• E-Myth
• MPowered Marketing
• Artists Who Thrive
  
• Theology and the Artistic Impulse
• A Holy Experience
• Small Tall Musings
• Rebekah Joy Plett
  

These are all blogs that touch on at least one of my interests: the arts, business, women. Occasionally I post comments on some of them. Even just the reading and pondering is a conversation, an internal dialogue.

Of course, I've been talking to Kathleen McMillan because, business or no business, we are developing a product line: www.openeyes.ca.

And I've got a new job as Bookstore Manager at Ambrose University College. It's half-time. I've been working full-time on reception for the summer, a wonderful way to get to know people in the institution. It's been such a relief to have work like this and I'm thrilled to be back in an academic context. But I'm also relieved to be done reception as of last Friday, to focus on the bookstore for 20 hours a week (give or take) and to catch up on other projects that languished in the past two months.

#1. Stop crying

Today I met my new debt counselor: Tina the Accountess.

The first thing she did was hug me. Instantly I felt good about our meeting and all we had done was buy coffee!

The first thing I told her is that my first financial goal is to stop crying every time I talk about money. She smiled and assured me that this will come.

My second goal is actually two in tandem: establish a stable base income and get out of debt.

Third: continue building my business of empowering women in the arts, in which the primary project that drives the economic engine is the children’s books. In the meantime, to accomplish goal 2, I need a part-time job.

We had the most wonderful, helpful conversation ever and I came out relieved and energized on soooo many fronts. She told me more than once that she likes my website and that I have great potential. She proposed a barter, exchanging services: she'll help me financially if I help her write monthly newsletters, edit her blog, and breathe life into the copy on her new website. DEAL. That was easy.

She's giving me homework and I'm so excited to dig into it.

Tina is part of my new trio of business mentors, who I blogged about yesterday.

My biggest feelings at the end of the day include relief, joy, and courage. Thank you, Tina!

For the record: I had two other significant conversations today, with Anna in the morning and with Kevin in the evening. In saying good-bye to Anna I noted, “I should probably take Kleenex to my meeting with the Accountess.” Anna quipped, “If she works with women and money, she probably has Kleenex.” Sure enough, not only did Tina have tissue, she claims it as a business expense!