the grocery bill

There’s often a correlation between business finances and personal finances, especially for the self-employed and in the early days of a start-up. Getting married has been a good thing for my finances, clarifying categories, controlling spending, and killing debt. So far my husband and I are laying a good foundation for communicating about money, with monthly reviews of our budget and periodic check-ins. Unfortunately, it appears we completely underestimated our grocery budget! We have a lot to learn about planning meals and shopping for food.

Enter Erin Ortlund and her recent blog series about saving money on groceries and other household expenses. Post #1, “Know your prices,” comforts me: learning to shop for a family takes time. We’re not “rolling in the dough,” but we’re not destitute either, so we’ve got some room to play in our food budget.

The good news is, getting married has drastically reduced our spending on entertainment and eating out. Tonight we’re storm-stayed by a blizzard, so we’ll enjoy a homemade meatless meal (tofu stirfry with rice noodles), followed by my husband’s gourmet popcorn (real butter, parmesan & asiago cheese) and a movie rented with a Blockbuster gift card. Cosy.

being a business woman

Learning never ends. In spite of having many leadership positions for a couple of decades, my business development is quite fledgling. I have dabbled in direct selling and network marketing and have dipped into self-employment, but in spite of this, I have been more like a hobbyist than a true business woman.

Enter the job of managing a bookstore, a bonafide business where I am getting a crash course in the financial and record-keeping side of things and it really, really matters what I know and what I do and how. I have done good things for the bookstore at Ambrose University College (e.g. improved layout, refined processes, new customer reward program), but if I want to do better I need some professional development.

My boss and I have been talking about training options. Recently, I attended an information night at Mount Royal University for their Small Business Certificate. Students can take individual courses or the complete program. I would love to take the whole thing, but cannot right now. Turns out Brendan (my boss) has the BA in Small Business and Entrepreneurship from Mount Royal, and we have lots of business and finance textbooks in our store, so I proposed an independent study program where I read and write reports and then we discuss what I’ve learned. We start with a hefty tome called Financial Accounting — a little light reading.

Not only will my new knowledge and skills bring increased success in the bookstore, it will influence my ability to develop Siretona Creative and to coach other women who want to be more than hobbyists. Like Kathleen McMillan who wrote this in her Christmas letter:

I continue to work on marketing and writing my children’s book series. I have learned so much this year including that I quite like being a business woman. It will be no surprise to anyone who knows creative people that I hate anything financial but I am looking forward to getting help and learning more about that from a friend* this year.

Last week Kathleen came to Calgary for a couple of days. She gave presentations at McKenzie Towne School on Wednesday, and we spent Thursday morning having a business meeting. We also both purchased a book from Ambrose Bookstore called Building a Dream: A Canadian Guide to Starting Your Own Business. It’s a workbook and it’s Canadian, so helpful on a number of levels in developing our businesses, Siretona Creative and Open Eyes Books.

*Note: this friend is an accountant Kathleen met and worked with on a preschool fundraiser.

living the housewifely dream

On Saturday morning we slept in. Then, while Kevin prepared to teach our Bible study,

I launched into being the good little housewife.

I prepared breakfast.

I washed dishes.

I cleaned the bathroom.

 

I prepared a grocery list.

I swept the floor.

I mopped the floor.

And somewhere in the  middle of it all, I started to feel underappreciated.

I didn’t want to be doing housework.

I wanted to be studying, too. I have entrepreneurial desires and some new business books and wanted to launch into those.

My insides felt grumbly.

In addition to cleaning, I was overseeing my step-daughter in studying, then cleaning her room, then editing pictures of herself and her friends from our wedding on my computer. My husband was occasionally reading aloud to me, trying to involve me in his interests. He was sweet and eager, but I was distracted and disgruntled. “You study so much!” I complained.

Somewhere along the hours—perhaps during my pause to shower—I realized a few things:

1. I am living my dream—one of them anyhow. Long have I dreamed of having a husband and family to live with and care for. So house cleaning is part of that dream. Other dreams must wait their turn—or even be released. I knew that and wrestled with it before I married, but knowing something and living it are quite different.

2. My husband has been a single-parent for many years and he has also waited a long time for a wife. Early in our courtship we read His Needs, Her Needs and he admitted a high need for domestic support. He is an able cook and wants to be on the roster for making meals, but dishes, sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, laundry, etc., defeat him. He is relieved to give those tasks over to his wife. I have had a couple of decades to study: a bachelor’s degree, two masters degrees, a certificate in teaching English as a foreign language, many years of working in education. He is self-taught and I think he’s brilliant. He would love to go to school: that’s one of the first things he admired about me when we started corresponding. He’s an excellent worker and provider. Why would I begrudge him time to study? It’s his turn.

3. I am just selfish. Kevin often says “marriage is mortification of the flesh.” For sure, I am being mortified!

Wretched [wo]man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 7:24-8:1)

There is something freeing in being able to admit that I am weak, imperfect, and downright sinful. And there is relief in realizing that I can’t actually live up to the law of love, yet I don’t have to stay stuck in my own mess: first Christ Jesus releases me from the guilt, and secondly his Spirit enables me to change.

Even so, the overwhelm continued. Grocery shopping was discouraging as I piled list-items into the cart. We’d had a family meeting in the afternoon and Kevin had tasked me with stocking up on staples he is accustomed to, especially canned beans. My step-daughter had chosen a couple of slow-cooker recipes, so we needed ingredients for those. Even though I didn’t buy anything off list, watching the total cost get higher and higher at the check-out stand made me want to cry! Fortunately, my husband was not only gracious but congratulatory as he helped me put away the groceries.

Have I mentioned that I love him? And love involves submission and service. It’s not just about my dreams or his dreams, but our dreams. Kevin loved his study, but it was not self-indulgent, it was preparation to serve other people from our church community through teaching. Kevin takes his responsibilities as elder very seriously. Why would I not support him in that?

Not only does domestic support fill Kevin’s love-tank, it’s a physical reprieve as well: an old work injury limits his ability to do manual labour. I should be happy to take care of the things I can do, to save his physical resources for things that I can’t, like car repairs. Sure, we look fairly traditional already, and it works. We are tag teaming and figuring out how to be the best team we can be, by the grace & help of God.

Of course, it helped to reconnect and converse in bed at night. :)