Break … Forth/down/through

What is a breakthrough? In the midst of longing for one, I find myself often breaking down, like poor little Peter Rabbit.

“He found a door in a wall; but it was locked, and there was no room for a fat little rabbit to squeeze underneath.

“An old mouse was running in and out over the stone doorstep, carrying peas and beans to her family in the wood. Peter asked her the way to the gate, but she had such a large pea in her mouth that she could not answer. She only shook her head at him. Peter began to cry.”

I took a few days off. First for Break Forth, which was amazing. Then for wallowing in self-pity.

Self-pity? Where did that come from? I don’t know, but it was two days in a paralyzing pit of filth. I had conversations. I could have reported my quota filled, but wallowed instead. It happens. Apparently not as often when one’s gratitude discipline is intact:

“The study required several hundred people in three different groups to keep daily diaries. The first group kept a diary of the events that occurred during the day, while the second group recorded their unpleasant experiences. The last group made a daily list of things for which they were grateful.

The results of the study indicated that daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism and energy. Additionally, the gratitude group experienced less depression and stress, was more likely to help others, exercised more regularly and made more progress toward personal goals. According to the findings, people who feel grateful are also more likely to feel loved. McCollough and Emmons also noted that gratitude encouraged a positive cycle of reciprocal kindness among people since one act of gratitude encourages another.”  (source; found at this blog)

The crazy thing is that all my wallowing and paralysis was catalyzed a simple misunderstanding on Sunday afternoon!

No, that’s not entirely true. I spent the weekend with friends from Strasbourg Alliance Church and the first two days were exhillarating—being reunited with these friends and others, running into all kinds of people I hadn’t expected to see. But on Sunday, that little misperception cracked the dam and I cried like a baby. I think I was feeling homesick for Strasbourg, for relationships that are not still brand new. Sigh. Fortunately, the misunderstanding got cleared up yesterday, leaving me feeling a bit sheepish.

So here’s a list of conversations I was grateful to have over the weekend and since—conversations both about work and private life, about God and prayer, conversations with God in prayer …

• Glenda
• Heather
• Mark
• Gerald
• Brad
• Lori
• Nancy
• Margie
• Barb
• Beth
• Darryl
• Leonard
• Gayle
• Roxanne
• Blake
• Jen
• Josh
• Curtis
• more …

On Monday, I was sluggish, like I’d been hit by the proverbial truck. Even so, the day was not a write-off as I interacted with Cathy my SGI car insurance adjuster, Calvin who gave me a quote on a printing job, Mom about the upcoming wedding weekend for my brother, and Joyce about spiritual direction.

On Tuesday, I had more interaction with Cathy, Calvin & Mom.

Also on Tuesday, I had a real telephone conversation with Kathleen (she called me) in which I told her all my woes and she listened and prayed, then exhorted me from Beatrix Potter:   “When Peter Rabbit was caught in the net in the garden, the little birds came and ‘implored him to exert himself.’”

We both agreed to exert ourselves and made a plan for doing so. By the end of the day, in addition to tutoring and watching the movie “Amazing Grace” with Kevin and Stephanie, I had accomplished these things.

Oh! And I received two Minus 40 Tour DVDs in the mail from Ray Lacusta! The 14m30s documentary aired twice last week in an episode of “15 Minutes of Fame” on SCN television (Saskatchewan Community Network) and eventually will be available to watch online (season 4, episode 21 or 22). So I watched it once myself then again with Kevin & Stephanie. Strange and wonderful to seeing oneself on screen like that. Ray did a nice job.

Today (Wednesday)

• made a phone call to book a very important meeting for tomorrow afternoon.
• made another phone call to my mother.
• received a curriculum vitae and dissertation abstract from one friend to pass on by way of introduction to another friend
• received invitation to compose a soundtrack for a television documentary
• and more …

Kevin & Steph & I went to Okotoks for kids club at the church and we were so silly on the way home. It felt good to laugh and made me look forward to traveling to Saskatchewan together this weekend.

I have so much to be grateful for. There has not been a dramatic breakthrough (yet?), but there have been many ordinary and even extraordinary graces. I will keep putting one step in front of the other (literally and figuratively), moving through life attentive and grateful for the little things.