collecting votes

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22

Last week my friend Michelle came to visit. We laughed. A lot. We had deep conversations. She spent about 7 hours on Wednesday helping me rearrange the Ambrose Bookstore (before & after).

 

She challenged me in several areas. One question was, “What does a settled Colleen look like?” She thought I was particularly settled and peaceful in Duval/Strasbourg. What was the difference between those two years and other life seasons?

“I gave myself,” I replied. “I had nowhere else  to go, and nowhere else I wanted to go.”

This seemed key.

I also talked with our friend Dale. She had slightly different opinions from Michelle.

Then I got an email from Judith. We discussed these things back and forth. She reminded me that it’s not about giving myself to a place or a person or a task, but it’s first about giving myself to God.

Epiphany: too often I pretend to seek counsel when really I’m polling my friends and collecting votes on my decisions. I don’t trust my inner compass. I forget to give myself to God and trust him with to provide guidance and peace. The most important conversation of all.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

you would think ...

... that I haven't been having conversations in the last two months, or at least that they're not related to vision and goals. But I have. And it has often been hard work. I've been experiencing a bit of a cocooning process. In fact, if it were easy to find a butterfly background, I would have used it, cliches aside!

I have been wrestling with the question, "Do you really want to build a business?" And the best answers I can come up with are along the lines of I think so and I'm pretty sure. Not convincing.

I do want to write and edit.
I do want to empower women.
I do want to work in the arts.
I do want to influence community building.
I do want to help strengthen intergenerational bonds and see nations set free.
But how? Through business?

Wrestling.

Reading a wide range of blogs like these

• E-Myth
• MPowered Marketing
• Artists Who Thrive
  
• Theology and the Artistic Impulse
• A Holy Experience
• Small Tall Musings
• Rebekah Joy Plett
  

These are all blogs that touch on at least one of my interests: the arts, business, women. Occasionally I post comments on some of them. Even just the reading and pondering is a conversation, an internal dialogue.

Of course, I've been talking to Kathleen McMillan because, business or no business, we are developing a product line: www.openeyes.ca.

And I've got a new job as Bookstore Manager at Ambrose University College. It's half-time. I've been working full-time on reception for the summer, a wonderful way to get to know people in the institution. It's been such a relief to have work like this and I'm thrilled to be back in an academic context. But I'm also relieved to be done reception as of last Friday, to focus on the bookstore for 20 hours a week (give or take) and to catch up on other projects that languished in the past two months.

vocation

What is this unshakable sense of purpose—an unknown, yet compelling path I must walk, something that goes beyond a day job, beyond earning money? 

He says, “It’s okay to have a vocation.”

I say, “I don’t think we’re using the same definition. When I say vocation I mean calling. When you say vocation you mean occupation.”

He says, “That’s right. Now you mean what I mean.”

I snap, “No, I do not.”

My path is not something he ever imagined intersecting with his path, let alone running parallel. I know what my vocation has been. But what should it be from this point forward? We are both mystified and frustrated by the questions. Meantime, we both keep walking and wondering, praying and pondering. We keep talking.

And I sing and write. My blogs haven’t prove that lately, but I have been singing and writing. These tasks are at the heart of my calling.

I am a poetess

And one day I will take my place

Among the grandmothers and wise women

I am a poetess

Between the silences

I hear stories and find the words to speak.

Listen to “Poetess” here.

 

Last week I sang this song in Thursday’s main session at Write! Canada. The next morning (Friday) I led my colleagues in worship. The previous evening (Wednesday, left) I sang “Child of My Heart” at the Canadian Christian Writing Awards. And our MC, Herbie Kuhn (announcer for the Toronto Raptors), could hardly speak afterwards, said he had expected to feel a lot of emotions that evening, but had not expected to be moved to tears. As an adoptive father, he felt like he could have written many of those words. He nearly broke down weeping, had a hard time regaining control. A surprise. An honour. 

With dreams for this song—possibly God-given dreams—I spoke freely all week about my ideas to develop a resource package for crisis pregnancy centres to use in fundraising and education. Now it’s time for market research.

Two of the song’s biggest fans were in the audience: Kathleen and Hannah Busch. They are the original inspiration for the song’s title.Kathleen took Hannah into her home two years ago and was finally able to adopt her a few months ago. They played “Child of My Heart” at a special adoption blessing service in October. Hannah has the CD and often falls asleep listening to it. She knows all the words. They live in BC, but just happened to be traveling in Ontario last week. Co-incidence. Seems like a God-incidence to me.

I am a poetess—singer-songwriter, storyteller, writer, editor, someone who takes care of stories. I have come home from Write! Canada with a collection of stories gleaned from conversations. Let me begin to tell …

setting up systems

Conversation #1: Kathleen McMillan

We are at a crossroads with Open Eyes Books. What exactly is our relationship to one another and to the project/business? What systems do we need to put in place to establish the business solidly and ensure clarity and success as we move forward—especially before printing any more books. We talked about where Open Eyes Books sits on the E-Myth business cycle: http://www.e-myth.com/cs/user/print/post/the-small-business-cycle

Conversation #2: E-Myth Experience

Kathleen & I participated in a conference call today. Sure it was a bit of a sales pitch, but I felt it would be really important for Kathleen and I in getting on the same page, asking the same questions about pursuing this business and moving ahead.

Conversation #3: Bill Higgins

Bill is an E-Myth Program Advisor who contacted me yesterady, almost immediately after I had filled out a form to gain access to E-Myth’s resources page. Today we had another call, this one to chat with Kathleen and I together—and serendipitously with Kathleen’s husband who had come home because the power was out at his work.

We aren’t convinced that we should invest in this kind of coaching just yet, but it was, as I had hoped, helpful in giving us common language.

I plan to either borrow their key book from the library or buy it. Either way, I need to read it and I

Conversation #4: Mark Donnelly

A few weeks ago Mark and I met on Facebook through a discussion on someone else’s page. After some SSP (shameless self-promotion) both ways, Mark ordered a copy of BlueBeary online. Today he sent me this message:

Hi Colleen, the Bluebeary book came yesterday. Wow! The calligraphy and the note were an amazing touch! I don't think I've ever received any mail with lettering like that other than an occasional wedding invitation. And, both kids were engaged before I even started reading it (they loved the cover). The only problem is that they keep wanting me to count the blueberries on the cover. :) Dangit, who put so many?!? LOL

Anyway, just wanted to let you know we got it and we love it. Thanks!!

Mark

Of course it was Rebekah Joy Plett who put all those blueberries on the cover. There weren’t so many at first, but Rebekah realized that with less she had effectively beheaded the bear!

Silent No More – Women for Life International

CONVERSATION #1:

I have some ideas for the song Child of my Heart, besides singing at The Word Guild 2010 Writing Awards. But I can’t accomplish them alone. So, believing that at least some of these ideas are God-given idea, I’m starting to send out emails and make phone calls.

Today’s conversation was with Denise Mountenay. Denise is the founder and president of Canada Silent No More and co-founder/director of Women for Life International. We probably talked about 10 minutes, but there was a powerful connection. I followed with an email that details the song’s background and ideas for development.

Denise directed me to find these videos.

I had found Denise’s number on the Canada Silent No More site and called before knowing about her involvement with Women for Life International. In this we have a huge common interest. Last week I was given the May 4th, 2010 edition of The Economist and was saddened and emboldened by two stories: “The worldwide war on baby girls” (cover), and “Sobs on the night breeze” (review of Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love by Xinran).

‘The core of “Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother” is the individual stories of women who have lost their daughters. One would have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by them.’

There is local work to be done. There is international work to be done. There is work to be done, but not in our own strength or by our own means.

Guide us, O Thou Great Jehovah, pilgrims through this barren land.

We are weak, but You are mighty, guide us with Your powerful hand …

Strong deliverer, strong deliverer,

Be Thou still my strength and shield;

Be Thou still my strength and shield.

CONVERSATION #2:

McKenzie Towne School hosted me several weeks ago and then hosted Kathleen and I more recently. They’re using BlueBeary books as a fundraiser for their library. I called and emailed to see where they’re at and how much longer they want to go.

adjusting the rules

I need to rework the rules for this blog a bit. So first a preamble about rules:

The rules need to be realistic to serve me and my business, rather than obligating me to serve the blog and setting me up for failure if I don't keep my own rules! The guidelines for this blog are NOT the key metrics for my business. This blog is a mirror for demonstrating some of my business activities and progress, not a benchmark. This blog was really more of an interesting idea than a necessary function of business. The blog needs to be more than a list of names and topics—it is to be a reflective tool. If I'm too busy having conversations to put up a daily post, then the blog must take lower priority. However, the blog is helpful for accountability, so if I'm too busy having conversations to put up a weekly reflective post, I probably need to rearrange my schedule a bit.

Original Rules

1. Have two conversations five days a week about what I'm doing and/or why I'm doing it.

2. Email counts, though phone is better and in-person is best.

3. Report those conversations here, with one post for every two conversations or so.

4. As appropriate, provide names, links, contact info, pictures, etc.

5. Have fun building a business through being a Connector (as per Malcolm Gladwell).

6. Periodically reflect on the significance of these conversations.

Adjusted Rules

1. Average two conversations five days a week about what I'm doing and/or why I'm doing it.

2. Email counts, though phone is better and in-person is best.

3. Enjoy building a business through being a Connector (as per Malcolm Gladwell).

4. Report some of those conversations here. Try to report weekly or more—e.g. by Thursday or Friday as the business week is winding down, or Monday/Tuesday after a weekend of touring or conferencing.

5. Reflect on the significance of these conversations.

6. As appropriate, provide names, links, contact info, pictures, etc.

sidetracked or tracking?

CONVERSATION #1: Kevin

Kevin and I have been talking about how I invest my time and energy and whether the things I do fit my purpose as well as accomplishing my income goals.

CONVERSATION #2: Myself

This afternoon I sat down to ponder some questions that came to my inbox this morning from Think TQ:

Are You Constantly Sidetracked?

Short-term goals are likely to be interrupted by unexpected developments. Staying focused on your destination and flexible with your plans will help you overcome demoralizing sidetracks.
"In the long run men hit only what they aim at." – Thoreau

Today's Quest...
Answer Honestly:

Where are you now, in relation to your destination? _________________________________

What roadblocks loom between where you are right now and your destination? _________________________________

What adjustments can you make in the next 2 weeks to bring you closer to your target? _________________________________

My purpose is empowering women in the arts to build community among generations and nations. I'm starting to get there, but still need to make some adjustments.

CONVERSATION #3: tutoring client & director

I realized that tutoring is something that sidetracks me. When I first arrived in Calgary, it was a gift to have a few tutoring students, but at this point it’s no longer a good exchange of time and money.

With the resulting renewed clarity, I immediately dropped one of my three families, because their daughter is an unmotivated junior high girl who told her mom in front of me that she doesn't need a tutor. Rude? Uh, yeah. It was draining my energy and the money was less than worth it — especially after mileage, travel time, some prep, and frequent cancellations on both sides. She thinks she doesn't need a tutor. I KNOW I don't need a commitment like that.

But the two biggest factors are:

1. Tutoring, especially a student who doesn't really want me there , does NOT feed into my purpose of empowering women in the arts to build community that strengthens intergenerational bonds with international reach.

2. Tutoring is a non-leveraged, nearly static activity. I have so many other things to do and this ties me up too much. There’s an important place for one-on-one, but I’m not the one to fill that gap.

So I called the director of my tutoring program and told her that I’m finished with that family as of today and will carry the other two families just until the end of June.

CONVERSATION #3: preschool director, staff & students

By comparison, today's preschoolers gave me all the positive reinforcement I could want for days to come (they were SO excited!!!). I had such a nice connection with the director and her two staff members, with a strong sense that I was (a) giving them a helpful break and (b) empowering them in their educational mission with the children and their parents. AND for each of four 30-45 minute presentations, this gig pays me double and triple what I get in an hour of tutoring, plus providing exposure to nearly 100 kids & their families, leading to book sales through the website and bookstores in the city, plus more bookings — potentially a monthly gig at this preschool in the new school year.

So I'm grabbing my purpose and getting more firmly on track!